Proverbs 31

¹⁰ A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.

¹⁵She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.

¹⁶She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

¹⁸She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.

¹⁹In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

²¹When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

²³Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

²⁴She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.

²⁵She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

²⁷She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

²⁸Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

³⁰Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

³¹Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

This passage in Proverbs 31 is probably the premier passage in all of Scripture that paints a beautiful description of a Godly wife. I am certainly not the first pastor to use this text for a Mother’s Day sermon. It is so well known that many Christians call this the Proverbs 31 woman and expect that everyone know what they are talking about. But unfortunately, most of the world does not hold this Scripture to define what it means to be a woman. And if these women do not look to the Scriptures for this definition, they must look the surrounding culture.

How does a godless culture define womanhood? I think you would agree that the number one standard for women and girls in our culture is the attainment of beauty. Everywhere you look you see images of beautiful women. You cannot go through the checkout line at Walmart without being inundated with these images. Not only are these images a false standard of what it means to be a woman, even the images themselves are false. The beautiful smiles and partially clothed bodies of these woman are all airbrushed and digitally manipulated into perfection. They are not just images of beauty, they are images of unattainable beauty. I read a news article this past week that quoted a Hollywood actress who admitted to this unattainable beauty. She said, “I don’t really look like that. They made me look that good” Women know these images are ultimately fake but it does not prevent them from being influenced by them. For example, in 2006, women in the U.S. had more than 10.5 million plastic surgeries.[1] 10.5 million plastic surgeries just so they can look better, younger, bigger smaller or whatever. This quest for beauty is so bad that a growing number of women are becoming addicted to plastic surgery. (For the sake of fairness I should also mention that men had half a million plastic surgeries last year!) It is naïve to think that Christian women are not affected by these false images and cultural standards. I would guess that many Christian women would like to be a good Christian AND be beautiful; they would like to follow Jesus Christ AND also be drop-dead gorgeous.

But this is not the Biblical standard of measurement, is it? A “Proverbs 31” kind of woman recognizes, as verse 30 states, that “charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting.” A Proverbs 31 woman uses the correct standard of measurement by which to evaluate and live her life. On our vacation our family was able to visit the NASA Kennedy Space Center in Florida. We spent all day being really impressed at what we saw. But NASA is not always so impressive. In September of 1999. NASA lost contact with a Mars probe that was supposed to land on Mars and begin to beam pictures and data back to NASA headquarters. NASA eventually discovered the terrible mistake: one team of engineers used English mathematical equations and another team used metric standards of measurement. The result was that the 125 million dollar probe crashed and burned. This is a picture of what happens when women and young girls use the wrong standard of measurement for beauty—they crash and burn in the godless culture. In order to prevent such a tragedy, we must use Biblical standards of measurement like the one found in this passage. As we study this passage this morning, of course I want the mothers to take note of these standards, but more than that, I would like mothers and fathers to see this as a vision for raising daughters. In verse ten the KJV calls this woman a virtuous woman. I want us to figure out how can we use these Biblical standards to raise daughters of virtue.

The first thing we notice about a Proverbs 31 woman is that she is of great worth. Verse ten says she is worth far more than rubies. In other words, you can’t buy this kind of woman. She is not for sale. If we examine different translations we see this value expressed in different ways. The ESV calls her an “excellent wife,” the NLT describes her as a “virtuous and capable wife” and of course the NIV says she is a “wife of noble character.” Many men seek after wealth and prosperity but a man who has this kind of wife is already rich beyond his wildest dreams. The rest of the proverb explains why she is so valuable.

Next we see that this woman is a highly skillful woman. Like all women in the pre-industrial age, she spins her own thread out of wool and flax. She sewed her own clothes for herself, her husband and her children. She made her own bed linens and sold much of her handiwork for profit in the market. She was a savvy businesswomen as she knew how to consider a field and purchase it in order to plant crops and graze her livestock. She planted a vineyard to make her own wine and probably grew all of her own food. Verse twenty-seven sums up all her skills in this way: “she watched over the affairs of her household.” There isn’t anything on the homefront that she could not handle. She is the ideal domestic engineer.

The third thing we learn is that she is hard working. Several verses bear this truth.

²⁰She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. She is obviously a woman of compassion and is not willing to watch others suffer when she had more than enough to provide for her own family. It does not say for sure, but if you read between the lines it appears that she is a woman of some means, perhaps even wealthy. But whatever the case, she was not stingy or greedy but highly generous.

²¹When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

I think in part, because she is highly skillful and hard working, she is prepared in advance for all conceivable problems. She has warm clothes for her children. She won’t run out of food because she has plentiful stores. A modern equivalent would be a wife who does not worry about rising gas prices, global warming and a falling housing market. She is well prepared such that she “can laugh at days to come.” In effect she is saying, “You can’t hurt me mortgage payment. I’m not afraid of you snowstorm. Wrinkles and gray hair, I laugh when you visit me.” The Proverbs 31 woman is a worry-free kind of woman.

Sixth, she is a highly respected woman. Verse 28 is a good picture of what a family tries to do on Mother’s Day.Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. Mother’s Day is a special day we set aside to honor our mother’s and wives and give them the praise they rightly deserve. Now be honest moms—isn’t this what your kids do every day when they wake up? Don’t they arise every morning and call you blessed? Don’t they jump out of bed and honor you with their smiling faces and perfect obedience? Of course this doesn’t imply a daily blessing from flawless children, but it does demonstrate a woman who is worthy of respect.

Finally, we can say that she is the kind of woman who makes others look good. Verse 23 reads, Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. This woman’s husband was a prominent leader who sat on the ancient version of a city council. Related to this is verse 11, Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. Since this woman was so resourceful and hard working, her husband did not have to worry about anything at home. He would have been able to carry on his own business and leadership in a way that freed him from all domestic worries and concerns. The ultimate effect was that she made him look good. Because of her, he became a much better man than he could ever have become on his own. We can see why this kind of woman cannot be bought with rubies and gold and that her true value far exceeds any financial price. As a good fisherman would say, a Proverbs 31 woman is a real keeper. She is a tremendous blessing in every way.

The description of this woman is so fantastic that had she lived in our day, I think the writer of this proverb would also have added some extra descriptions. In addition to all of these other things, she also fit in three aerobics classes per week, ran all her kids to soccer practice, ballet rehearsals, piano lessons, swim team, and the coup de grace is that she was a gourmet cook and an immaculate interior decorator. Truly this woman is an absolutely amazing woman. Now all that’s left is for all of the woman here this morning to evaluate yourself by her standards. How do you measure up? Are you a Proverbs 31 kind of woman?

Or perhaps I have discouraged you. Maybe you feel defeated in light of this perfect woman of virtue. After all, it’s hard enough to measure up against the false images of unattainable beauty in our culture, now I have asked you to measure yourself against the perfect Godly woman. I can’t blame you if you feel this way because this Proverbs 31 woman is not a real woman at all. Now before you burn me at the stake as a heretic, let me explain what I mean. The woman described in this passage is not a single individual but rather she is wisdom personified. What is the book of Proverbs all about? The overall theme of the book of Proverbs is the relentless pursuit of wisdom and knowledge.

In this chart you can easily see how Proverbs 31 is an application of the entire book of Proverbs. The fear of the Lord is introduced at the beginning of the first chapter and continues throughout the book. The fear of the Lord brings wisdom and knowledge and the Proverbs 31 woman is above all, a woman who fears the Lord. We can also trace the value of wisdom throughout the book as it is repeatedly compared to gold, silver and rubies. The Proverbs 31 woman is also worth far more than rubies. This is why I said that the woman is Proverbs 31 is not a real woman but is the application and personification of wisdom. You will never meet a woman who reflects all of these qualities at the same time, because such a woman would have to be a perfect sinless person. However, every woman and every young girl can be on their way to possessing all of the Godly qualities in some measure and this can only happen as we relentlessly pursue wisdom.

For we who are living under the new covenant, this pursuit of wisdom is fundamentally a pursuit of Jesus Christ. From the first chapter of first Corinthians we learned that Jesus is our wisdom. “It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption” (1 Co. 1:30). Therefore, a pursuit of wisdom in the fear of the Lord is nothing less than a pursuit of Jesus Christ. In other words, the Proverbs 31 woman is a woman who loves Jesus. Moms and dads, if you want to raise your daughters of virtue, then you need to teach her to love and obey Jesus.

I would like to give you a vision of what a young Proverbs 31 woman looks like. I received this email from a young, single woman who is considering the qualities she is looking for in a husband.

I want a guy who loves Jesus and is dependent on Him for everything. I want a guy that is prepared to be the spiritual leader of a home and is ready to sacrifice all to do God's Will. I want a guy that is passionate about serving God in everything that he does, and is passionate about serving people. I want a guy who's not afraid to give it all for someone who's less fortunate. I want a guy who always appreciates me for who I am and encourages me in my walk with the Lord. I want a guy that would not even think about doing sexual things with me because he doesn't want to disrespect my body which is God's temple. I want a guy that is willing to talk to me about anything and everything. I want a guy that is a good conversationalist because once we get old, conversation will be all we have left. I want a guy who has a good head on his shoulders and knows how to learn from his mistakes and the mistakes of others.

I don't expect that guy to be perfect, but I do expect him to understand that only God is perfect and that it is our life goal to be like Him and serve Him in everyway.

Before I look for this guy, I need to be completely focused on God and following His will for my life. I need to fall in love with Jesus and see him as the one and only person for me. I need to lean on the everlasting arms and cry into the shoulder of the Holy One for He is the Healer. Jesus is the "ultimate guy".[2]

Parents, this is a good list, isn’t it? Your daughters would do well to have a similar list for a Godly husband. This woman desires a Godly Christians husband, but even more than that, she is relentlessly pursuing Jesus Christ. If this young woman had lived about 200 years ago, I could have matched her up with the ideal husband. Adoniram Judson was a famous missionary to Burma, but three years before he sailed, he wanted to marry a woman named Ann Hasseltine. Here is the letter he wrote to Ann’s father asking for her hand in marriage.

I have now to ask, whether you can consent to part with your daughter early next spring, to see her no more in this world; whether you can consent to her departure, and her subjection to the hardships and sufferings of a missionary life; whether you can consent to her exposure to the dangers of the ocean; to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India; to every kind of want and distress; to degradation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death. Can you consent to all this, for the sake of him who left his heavenly home, and died for her and for you; for the sake of perishing , immortal souls, for the sake of Zion, and the glory of God? Can you consent to all this, in hope of soon meeting your daughter in the world of glory, with the crown of righteousness, brightened with the acclamations of praise which shall redound to her Savior from heathens saved, through her means, from eternal woe and despair?[3]

Dads and mothers, how would you respond to a letter like this if it were your daughter? Would you say yes? And equally important, are you raising your daughters to say yes to such a man? Are you raising your daughter to be a daughter of virtue? Are you raising her to be a Proverbs 31 woman? Are you seeing that she loves and obeys Jesus? There are multiple ways to do this.

1. Limit her exposure to false ideals of beauty. Prevent or discourage any beauty magazines from being in your house. These magazines teach that charm and beauty are absolutely necessary to her survival as a woman. If your daughters use the wrong standard of measurement for beauty, they will eventually crash and burn.

2. As you decrease her exposure to false ideals of beauty, make sure you also increase her exposure to God’s word and his standards. Make certain she knows that Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

3. Practice and teach modesty. False ideas of beauty teach young girls to show more and more skin but you must fight this cultural appeal by teaching and practicing modesty. On the back table I have copies of a handout called “Modesty Heart Check” that you will want to take home.

I think one of the greatest gifts a daughter could give a mother on Mother’s Day would be a list like that of this young woman. But these kind of young ladies do not happen by accident.

[1] http://www.webmd.com/skin-beauty/news/20070309/cosmetic-procedures-up-in-us

[2] Anonymous email from a college student.

[3] Courtney Anderson, To the Golden Shore: The Life of Adoniram Judson, Judson Press, 1987.

a The Hebrew words rendered fool in Proverbs, and often elsewhere in the Old Testament, denote one who is morally deficient.

i Or Wisdom teaches the fear of the LORD